By Kimberly Williamson
Unholy vows are often rooted in pain, grief, loss, offense, disappointment, or fear. For example, having suffered the untimely death of a loved one, particularly someone we needed or depended on, a child losing a father may vow, “I must take care of myself because people leave. I have no one I can depend on.” Or a heart is broken in the break-up of what was thought to be a “til death do you part” relationship that instead ended in a trainwreck of betrayal. The unholy vow: “I will never give my whole heart to anyone ever again (not even Jesus).” Or perhaps you grew up in poverty never seeming to have enough of the essentials of food, clothing, or shelter. The unholy vow: "I will always have what I want even if that means a mountain of debt from living beyond my means.”
Confess:
Unholy vows are idols we have placed on the altars of our souls, a place only fit for God. How do we renounce them, cast them down and out? First, ask the Holy Spirit to expose them; they often hide in the dark!
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!--Psalm 139: 23-24
Repent:
Ask the Lord to forgive us our false idols born out of our pain. Ask the Lord to heal the pain of the original heartbreak. God does not despise us for our hurt. He wants to heal and redeem our pain, but we must allow ourselves to revisit the heartbreak, remembering that He is with us. “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”--Deuteronomy 31:6
We must confess and grieve the hurt, the loss, the offense, violation, the sin whatever it is. Caution: Do not hold back any tears that surface. Tears are often a part of the cleansing process, not one is wasted: “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”--Psalm 56:8
Forgive:
Forgiveness is cleansing and restoration in action. In some cases it may seem ridiculous to have to forgive, like forgiving the parent who left us through death before we could reach adulthood, never there to offer advice or guidance. Forgive them anyway. Forgiveness is a decision, but it is not only a matter of the mind. It is also a matter of the heart. It is an act of worship. Caution: Remember to ask for and receive God’s forgiveness for making the unholy vow (idolatry) we committed to in the first place. We have been injured and broken in this life. We live in a fallen world of sin. In our brokenness we accept the lies of a quick survival fix, born of the flesh and the world. We grab quick false comforts - unholy alliances - idols.
Ask the Lord to give you forgiveness, compassion and love for yourself. In Hosea 4:6a we read, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge…” When we are desperate, we can make desperate choices. In our pain and suffering we may only focus on what will bring the fastest relief even if the relief is short-lived and ultimately a lie. It has been said that sin is an illegitimate response to a legitimate need. We must see ourselves in the pitiful state we are or have been in, really see ourselves as a child of God broken and off-track, desperately trying to meet our own needs to no avail. The compassionate response would be gentle understanding, pity, help and comfort. We are often quite good at having compassion for others, strangers even but not good at giving or receiving compassion for ourselves. We are human and we can be easily deceived. As a result we can make foolish or deadly choices, born out of some level of ignorance. It does no good to kick ourselves when we realize the sad state of our condition. We can be our own worst critics, thinking we should have done better. This is often the voice of pride, shame, or internalized abuse. Pray for the knowledge, wisdom, and help of the Holy Spirit. Meditate on the cross of Christ, seek a revelation of His love and compassion for us as we were utterly and completely lost and helpless. This will help you to internalize the gift of compassion for self and others. Caution: This is not an excuse for sinful behavior - whose only remedy is repentance. This compassion is a part of the healing process that accompanies confession, repentance, and cleansing. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”--1 John 1:9
When the Holy Spirit opens our eyes to see our weakness and powerlessness to prevent or stop the pain, we may experience the raw vulnerability that tempts us to hide. Resist! You no longer have to be ashamed for the Holy Spirit is with you to comfort, restore, free, and love you.
“Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.”--Psalm 25:20
Dear one, you belong to God. You are treasured and adored. You are not forgotten or cast aside. Think on this truth; it will make you free!
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32